TLatL  Outtakes
by Sky Stormsong
Summary: PARODY. These are the outtakes for my story The Lion and the Leaf. It's a mixture of ideas, changed scenes and different dialogue that could not or did not appear in the original story. Rated T.
1. Foreward

**Foreword: **This is for my readers of _The Lion and the Leaf_. As I wrote _TLatL_ I had plenty of ideas for scenes and dialogue that I couldn't by any means make a part of the story or wouldn't fit that I kept locked away. Now here's your chance to see it all!

This series of stories is dedicated to and inspired by Cat Lionheart, my loving fiance. Without his input, Lionheart wouldn't be what he is today.

**Warning: **This content is rated T for language, violence, implied incest and/or crack pairings of TLatL.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Warriors. What I DO own are the characters and the ideas


	2. Hunting With Lionheart Part 1

_**Lionheart has always had strange ideas about what could be hunted. Some could say that he was a little ambitious in his hunting. Maybe too ambitious. But what you may ask could be strange things to hunt? Well...**_

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><p><em><strong>Twolegs<strong>_

Hunting one greenleaf afternoon, Lionheart along with Leafstorm and Ivyfrost watched a group of Twolegs that were in a clearing. A kit sat on the grass beside a larger older Twoleg and they made strange noises gesturing with their paws. Ivyfrost's and Leafstorm's pelts were bristling at the sight. Lionheart scratched behind his ear seemingly unconcerned about what was going on.

"Twolegs on our territory," muttered ThunderClan's deputy. "They're going to scare off all the prey."

"Hopefully they'll go away soon," whispered Leafstorm.

By their sides, Lionheart burped loudly. In the clearing the Twolegs looked up and in their direction.. Ivyfrost and Leafstorm turned hate filled gazes on him. He glanced briefly at them and, seeing their hatred, turned back to them. "What?"

"You mousebrain-!" The light gray she-cat growled before swatting at his head. The calico tom dodged and flicked his ears. "Don't you ever do that again!"

"Hmm Okay." He sat with a thump on the ground and looked back to the Twolegs. They had lost interest in the noise they had heard and were back to talking to each other. Lionheart tilted his head to the side and said curiously, "I wonder what Twolegs taste like."

The two she-cats stared at him. Regaining her wits, Ivyfrost asked, "What?"

"I wonder what Twolegs taste like," he repeated still looking at the Twolegs. After a moment, he added, "I mean, they're on our territory. They're technically ours. Why can't we hunt them? We could probably eat them. And by the look of the kit, it could feed the entire Clan for days, maybe weeks! Just think how long the bigger one would feed the Clan."

Leafstorm sighed. "I can't believe I'm hearing this."

Ivyfrost shook her head. "Twolegs are like badgers and foxes. They're dangerous! All we can hope for from these Twolegs that they don't do too much damage to our territory and that they leave soon. It's greenleaf; we should be able to feed ourselves well despite this."

The deputy paused. "Besides, eating Twolegs is impossible not to mention disgusting!" Leafstorm mewed her agreement.

Lionheart, unfazed by this, got to his paws and stretched. "Well, _I_ think I can get a Twoleg and that the Clan cat eat it." With those words, he darted into the clearing before either she-cat could say anything. Leafstorm watched after him her stomach dropping. _You stupid furball!_ she thought darting after him. The tom had managed to get to the kit and was rubbing himself against it mewing. The light gray she-cat stopped a couple tail-lengths away and watched apprehensively.

"Yes, Twoleg kit. I'm cute and cuddly. Now drop your guard...," he mumbled, the scent of Twoleg not fazing him. Lionheart continued for a few moments before he found the time perfect then unsheathed his claws.

"No!" Leafstorm darted forward and knocked Lionheart to the side. They rolled to the side before leaping back to their paws and running to the safety of the bushes and forest. Ivyfrost leaped to her paws when they approached her.

"You stupid furball!" Ivyfrost spat. "You could have gotten yourself killed if Leafstorm didn't stop you!"

He shook his head. "No. If Leafstorm didn't stop me, I would be bringing a Twoleg kit back for the Clan to feast on."

"I can't believe this," mumbled Leafstorm.

Without another word, Lionheart stalked off into the woods clearly unpleased by his disrupted Twoleg hunting.


	3. Dark Forest Meeting Part 1

**A/N: Readers, expect to see a mix of chapters. I plan to have the stories posted like a channel...different shows in one day. So I'll never follow a "story line" part by part. There really isn't an end to things, so there can't really be a true story line. Besides...I like it :3 Enjoy my insanity.**

**Here's my next chapter. I'll post more as I see fit :P  
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><p><strong>Dark Forest Meeting - Thistleclaw<br>**

Lionheart's eyes opened to see the pale lit forest of the Place of No Stars. Beside and under his paws was glowing fungi that reminded the young warrior of damp, stinky mushrooms. He snorted and shook water droplets that had formed on his pelt during his first moments in the StarClan forsaken place. Every paw step he took was confident and he never jumped at any strange, sudden noises the forest made around him.

His walking finally led him into a clearing that was empty except for one huge cat whose back was to him. The cat's coloring was mottled gray and several scars criss-crossed his body. Lionheart's paw disturbed a few leaves and the cat turned around to face him. His eyes narrowed as he hissed, "What are you doing here?"

"What are _you_ doing here?" Lionheart shot back.

The other cat glared at him. "I live here."

"Oh." Lionheart's ears twitched. "Then I'm walking."

A growl came from the other cat. "Why don't you walk elsewhere?"

"I don't wanna. I kind of like it here actually," he mewed taking a seat on a flat rock a kit's hop above the ground. "Who are you anyway?"

The other cat paused before answering, "I'm Thistleclaw."

"What did you do to get here?"

"...I died."

"Fox dung," he jumped off the rock and started to pace. All Lionheart could remember before waking up in the Dark Forest was bumping his head on a large rock. If Thistleclaw died to get there... "Oh fox dung!"

"What?" Thistleclaw asked unemotionally. "Think you are dead?"

Lionheart stopped pacing, his tail waving erratically behind him. "Yeah! Am I dead?"

He rolled his eyes. "Depends. Want to be?"

Fury swept through the calico tom. "Better cats have tried. But no thank you." His voice remained level throughout his response.

The mottled gray tom gave a small _hmph_ and flicked his tail. "You think you're an almighty warrior of ThunderClan don't you?"

"What if I do?"

Thistleclaw flicked his tail again. "Your arrogance is going to get you killed one day, kit."

"Better to be an arrogant kit than a cowardly elder whose only bite is the stink of his breath," Lionheart growled with a sneer, flexing his claws in and out.

With a yowl, Thistleclaw launched himself across the clearing, claws aiming for his throat. Lionheart quickly dodged to the side raking his claws down the Dark Forest cat's torso leaving behind long, ragged gashes. Thistleclaw screeched and bounded towards the young ThunderClan warrior. Light glinted off his claws as they passed right over his head as Lionheart dropped. He kicked upward with his hind legs sending the other cat across the clearing to land in a sprawled heap under a tree.

Stalking up to the mottled gray tom, Lionheart hissed, "Try eating more fox dung and then _maybe_ you can kill me with your breath. Because it sure looks like your claws can't." He leaned over and viciously bit into the cat's throat. Blood spurted out and Lionheart spat the piece out before stalking away into the undergrowth.

"Cursed...Thunder...Clan...cat...," bubbled Thistleclaw, blood flowing from his mouth with each word. A few moments later a cat entered the clearing from the same direction Lionheart had left. The cat's dark tabby pelt shone dimly in the half-light and he bent his head to sniff the fallen warrior.

"Fell at the claws of a mere ThunderClan warrior? How pitiful," the cat murmured with a sneer in his voice. "You could have slaughtered him."

"Shut...it...," growled Thistleclaw. "You couldn't...have...done better...Darkstripe."

Darkstripe flicked his tail. "only time will show. I'll make sure you hear of my victory afterward."

The dark tabby padded out of the clearing, leaving the mottled gray tom to recover.


End file.
